The Delhi Lezzie Review - Dostana

Dostana is a movie about two guys in Sydney or wherever 'pretending' to be gay cough*chuck&larry*cough so they can move in with golden swimming costume clad Priyanka Chopra who stays in this obscenely gorgeous apartment.

This movie was never made for critics because it is simply unbelievable at times but for the sake of a relevant Delhi Lezzie review we'll overlook those flaws.

Dostana is the first Hindi mainstream big-budget flick that deals with homosexuality even though it is pretend and credit's given where it's due. So kudos to Karan Johar who has managed to make good money out of the venture as well.

Though the movie doesn't do much to negate stereotypes associated with homosexuality, rather it perpetuates them and the way homophobia is dealt with is simply surreal. The only thing the movie got right is the casual attitude it encourages towards sexuality.

While the movie is a fun-flick, critics and gay activists might find it hard to digest for the above reasons.

As for what the movie is about - it's like taking that whole gay joke from Kal Ho Na Ho and turning it into an entire feature film and yes the second half drags.

Go see it for a few laughs but that revolutionary mainstream movie that we have been waiting for this isn't. India's 'Brokeback Mountain' is at least two decades away.

Finding my way...

What's a gay girl to do when she stays in a homophobic country and the mere thought of being outed sends her into shivers?
OK! I hate people who talk in third-person as well but you get the point:)

The reason that the passionate blogger in me is not on her best behavior is because there is a company out there that gave me a job! While it's been fun wasting company resources for the past three months - I have my first performance appraisal to look forward to tomorrow. Not fun!

I work for a radio station incidentally.

Anyhoo a big gay event due to happen is 'DOSTANA'

Karan Johar who is as close to being out in India as possible is releasing his newest venture this Friday.

The movie is about two guys who pretend to be gay to impress a girl. While it is reminiscent of that not-funny movie Chuck and Larry I have hope simply because it is a Karan Johar make.

Will post a review when I see it this weekend and you can bet I will:)

The Delhi Pride Parade

Delhi is having its first ever official Pride Parade on 29th June '08 starting from Regal Cinema. Regal Cinema was where posters of the lesbian movie 'Fire' were burned. I'm so thrilled that it's happening and hopefully it will send a much needed positive message in the midst of proceedings for the repeal of Section 377. Everyone is invited and they will even provide masks as being gay is still a punishable criminal act.

Will I go?

Yes but not to participate. I tried coming out to a close friend many years back and it was painful when she didn't like the fact at all. I deliberately lost touch with her but the reason I became so scared was that I thought she was one of the most open-minded friends I had and she would be cool with it. I have met many new and supportive people. My sister is one of them but that one incident haunts me still. Many cousins and close friends have already guessed and they don't care much but the day I come out with my sexual preferences I know it will never be the same.

When you shout that you're bisexual or lesbian or gay from the roof-tops it is sadly assumed that you would want every woman who comes in your sight. Of course no one assumes that a straight guy would want every woman he comes across but of course lesbians are just desperate sluts. It may be surprising to my straight friends then that I've had many opportunities with some very unlikely people but I have yet to rush into anything.

I plan on coming out in a big way one day because I feel it is important but only when I'm financially independent and in a place where I could handle being alienated by perhaps my entire family who I truly adore and love. I completely intend to see the 377 repealed in my lifetime.

Watching the IPL (incognito)

The inaugural cricket match of the Indian Premier League is today. I will watch it which is surprising given that I'm very vocal about my dislike for watching sports. It started while watching the Cricket World Cup some time back. During the event Sachin Tendulkar was bowled at the 99 mark three times. After that it didn't matter if we won or lost the match-fixing was getting painfully obvious. There was absolutely no consistency and while most of my friends religiously discussed matches, I tried (unsuccessfully) to point out that everything was clearly fixed.

However the IPL is a new thing. The people who run the teams are filthy rich and thus unlikely to fix matches for a quick profit. Loyalties to the teams are still not decided and most people still don't know what sort of reception will be given by the audience. Given these situations there's a good chance that we'll get to see some genuine performances. I may hate watching sports but I love sports.

Lastly I have been enjoying my status as the sports cynic and lest I lose any street cred my current TV schedule will be strictly under wraps.

Check out the useless site of the Indian Premier League here (they need to work out the bugs).

The DU!

Let's face it. The curriculum of Delhi University has not been updated since 5 decades. 5 decades people that's like 50 years. If it has then think about these questions.

- The wheat production in India during the year 1967-68 was 11 million tonnes.
WHY do I know that?


-I've just memorized reasons for population growth which are

• Higher birth rate
• Lower death rate
• Reduction in diseases
• and my fave - Lack of use of contraception

Wow! I feel so enlightened. I'm so glad I had someone to tell me all this. I always wanted to know how India crossed the 1 billion mark. I could have never guessed on my own.


-After this I will be memorizing how fiscal policy affects the exchange rate in the Mundell-Flemming Model.
Again why?


I'm doing my Bachelors in Commerce that's B.Com(H). Still my e-commerce class consists of using Microsoft Word, Notepad and HTML. My computer teacher types with one finger. The classes are long.

As much as I love being a part of DU, all this doesn't feel right. I mean there's so much lost potential here.

Sajni by Jal

Why this song never made the Indian Charts I cannot guess. Atif Aslam can get lost for his wailing. It's these guys who're super talented. Here's Sajni by the very awesome band (who even performed at my college) JAL!!!! The song is from the album Boondh. Radio Mirch, are you listening?



Well yes, I felt my IQ dropping a bit after watching the video but isn't the song rich. I mean the aalap is pitch-perfect and the words and the music are soooo dreamy.....

Atif Aslam's voice on 'doorie' and 'hum kis galee' was the stuff of nightmares. He's not even that pretty.

The do's and don't of Yahoo! or any other chat

I've been a fan of online chats (even to strangers) since I was young. Yahoo! was easily accesible and user-friendly so remained my favourite for years despite the ridiculous amount of spam present there. I've even participated in the notorious user-created rooms which might not have been clean fun but was definitely harmless fun. However since the user-rooms went down and the normal crowd over there deteriorating in quality I thought I should post a few do's and don'ts that could be helpful for everyone STILL using that crazy place.

Don't have high expectations
If you're logging onto yahoo! chat hoping to run into a random stranger who will turn out to be your soul-mate --- don't! It's not meant for romance or any type of intellectual discussion or even a semi-interesting conversation. It's meant only for a very low-level of "dirty chats" or dull conversation with semi-interesting people or brief conversations with perhaps bearable individuals.

Choose your words.
If there's someone whose profile or user id or choice of room you like start the conversation with a difference. Avoid
-hi or hie or hai (pleeease) or any other version of a common greeting.
-how are you/hru are rather boring conversation starters
-anything dirty (wait till you're sure the person won't be offended)

In case you're not sure of what is different then go for the truth. Which would mean talk about the person's profile as to what you liked in it or ask about their id or just try to give a reason of why you want to talk to this person. Even if you're only looking for a one-time hot chat there's no harm in talking just a little bit before letting the person know what you have in mind. The simple reason is that there's no lack of people looking for these type of conversations in terms of guys so to get a girl interested you have to convince her that you're smarter and even hotter than the rest.

If a short encounter is not what you have in mind then at any costs avoid asking for a pic too soon. It can be real turn-off for anyone to think that you're only interested in what they look like. Also if you really want to see their pic it would be fair to show them yours first.

Grammar
While there are all kinds of abbreviations in use today like 'lol', 'asl', rofl etc etc. a bad grammar is a big bother. The best thing to do is try and stay with the language flow of the other person. If you see them writing in english with punctuation then do follow suit. If they don't care about their grammar or prefer hindi then do that. If you're uncomfortable with either english or hindi let the other person know rather than pretend otherwise.

Be Responsible
While it's said that 'nice guys finish last' making friends is not a job. If you feel there's a huge age difference between you and the other person then admit it. It's true that they might not be interested in talking to you after that or your age may not reflect how you feel but it's good to be a nice guy. If a person is not comfortable talking to someone older it's their choice. Sooner or later as you guys get to know each other they will realize and all your effort would go to waste.

Do not initiate dirty conversations with younger people. They may be up for it but they're young. They will regret it later and could lead to serious pychological problems. It's not worth creating issues for people this way. Also be warned that Internet security has been stepped up. If you go too far then your IP will give your address away.

Be careful
This is something that comes naturally to any seasoned chatters but for the novices it's very important. Do not give away intimate details to people you've only met online. Ever. Perhaps if you've chatted for months or years or their profiles on networking sites like Orkut or Facebook are really comprehensive. There are too many perverts out there and some can even dig out personal information so be careful. Noone tells the entire truth while chatting because the reason they chat is to hide something which people would see in a face-to-face setting be it looks, money, age or even intentions.

Avoid initiating abusive language
In this day and age noone goes crying or gets impressed with an extensive knowledge of abusive words or phrases. No girl will say 'wow he's so good at swearing' and most boys will enjoy trading such language with girls so don't encourage them even if you are intellectually superior. It's not fun to do this, it can be hurtful at times and it will NEVER impress anyone or make them like you. Remember there's an ignore button. Once used you will never get a second chance.

I'd like to end this little post by saying if you really want love or true friendship or specific type of friends then try sites like orkut, various penpal or dating sites (some of them are free). That ways you get an idea of who the person is instead of engaging in the normal a/s/l conversations.

Is Ekta Kapoor a lesbian?

She owns a BMW. She is self-made and she even proposed to the gayest man in Bollywood. If you haven't yet figured out who I'm talking about you should! There have always been rumors surrounding her of being a lesbian. With her most recent proposal to possibly the most famous gay Indian guy it only adds fuel to the fire. Though for me even before this little information came to light I just felt she was.

Not exactly my dream role-model though. The guys I know in entertainment accuse her of being nothing other than a businesswoman. Which I found so irritating that I was moments away from starting a full-on argument across the dining table in a highly formal setting. If it were a man in her place doing the same things (which I know is not possible but IF) people would be congratulating him and looking upto him and giving him all sorts of awards because he's been so successful regardless of how. Seriously think about all the offensive movies that have come out in recent times that show women as weak and totally dependant on guys and look how well they were received. (I'm looking at that dumb-fuck Sajid Khan of Heyy Babyy fame, how he's related to Farah Khan I can't imagine)

My point being that people raising fingers against her are just being hypocrats because rather than admire her for whatever she has achieved they like to believe her serials are the root of all family problems in India. AS IF. Just because she's a woman it's her duty to care about the world whose problems are more often than not caused by men!!!

Still people working under her claim she's a foul-mouth and brutal taskmaster and really makes you work for the money. Y'know what TANSTAAFL (There ain't no such thing as a free lunch). I enourage everyone who has the option to sleep and party instead of working to make money to use it.

My gay-dar is quite accurate. And I do believe she's gay. She has money, she's smart and thank god gay. I doubt a straight man could ever see her for everything that she is. (Maybe someone could, but I am biased for now)

Down with Ajay Devgan! He's ugly.

Ajay Devgan is clearly one of the ugliest actors still getting positive roles. Even Anil Kapoor with make-up looks better than him. It surprises me because as an actor I find Ajay Devgan mediocre. Aamir Khan he ain't. The only remarkable thing about him is his marriage to Kajol. Me and my sister were crazy about her. She was simple and charming and can still deliver hits wearing clothes. She might not be the prettiest but Ajay Devgan!!! Really Kajol? Please don't pick who your kids will marry. Your choice stinks.

I mean Bollywood please smell the roses. It's not only actresses that need to be eye candy anymore. Look at the new batch. Hrithik Roshan, Ranbir Kapoor, Salman, Akshay, John etc etc... all verrrrry good looking men. Women are more extrovert than they were 20 years ago. They know what they want. Sure there might be exceptions like Shahrukh and Govinda but Shahruck is a very talented man and Govinda has his own niche.

Please bollywood stop subjecting me to the ugliness that's Ajay Devgan. I want my eye-candy too! If I see another PYT (pretty young thing for the uninitiated) doing a Mind-blowing Mahia around him I'm going to throw up!!!

Chak De India and the Lesbian Connection

As much as I'd like to hope for it there isn't any. The only reason to post was that I have never seen a mainstream movie with such de-glamourised actresses and while there was a lack of lesbian subtext there was no lack of opportunity. I don't complain because I'm very aware of the 377 so here's my take on the girls of Chak De!

Preeti Sabarwal
Clearly the favourite of the masses and no doubt the most gorgeous player Preeti is quite awesome. She has some moments with Komal Chautala but she also had a fiance and her game involved playing good enough to make an impression on him. Eventually though she breaks up with him and moves on to hockey.

I'd still say she's bisexual. After all she had a pin-up poster of what looked like Maria Sharapova.

Komal Chautala
When I saw her on-screen for the first time there was a loud voice in my head saying "LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN" and yes she is. Her official bio states that she regrets not being born a boy and all the lesbians I know grew up with that soooooo.....
Clearly gay and yet one of the most well-received characters is what makes this one so special. Even in my college you have these awesome sports players who go for the tomboyish look and are at a lot of times subjected to jokes.
Komal Chautala gets full marks from me for being who she is without apology and yet having a deep sense of care for her teammates.

Bindia Naik
You either hate her or love her but (I know it's cheesy) you can't ignore her. For a good part of the movie she's the bad-guy but I always fall for the bad-guy. This was the character that I drooled over for the entire movie. Strong, corrupt and spectacular at what she does (like all lesbians in India have to be) Bindia Naik is definitely lesbian. Perhaps that's wishful thinking but you have to note the interactions between her and Gunjan Lakhani (check out the deleted scenes of the DVD). When they argue it's more than a friendly fall-out it's definitely the hints of a more serious relationship.
While there is that one time she *proposes* the coach, it's obvious that's desperation speaking and nothing else. After all she smokes too (another slightly lesbian thing).
Hate that she's taken but I'm infatuated nonetheless. My favourite character in the movie maybe in the closet but at least she knows that.

Vidya Sharma
This was the only character in the movie that I did not find endearing. Which was a surprise to me because it was this character that had intrigued me the most from the previews and prompted me to watch the movie on the first day of release. I always enjoy the story of the predictable housewife proving what she's capable of but something about the character just bugged me. It might be because she was made Captain and didn't really do anything in the movie to make it seem like she deserved it. Sure she understood that the coach was all about unity but her goalee or captaincy skills weren't too impressive (Bindia would have been awesome. No wonder she was desperate and yes I'm totally smitten). Also the movie sort of whets your appetite for a showdown with the inlaws but that doesn't happen either. Rather it's shown her way of dealing with them is quite passive.
Definitely straight but a bad example for even the heterosexuals. I feel bad for them. Clearly it's lesbians all the way in this one.

Balbir Kaur
Another obviously lesbian character. But my favourite part about Balbir is her interactions with her mother. Even in it's subtlety and light-heartedness it was touching to see them together. The mother is shown not only to be affectionate but supportive of her daughter in everything that she is. I simply loved the title "puttar". While I was never a fan of the uni-brow Balbir can keep hers. Her protectiveness and care for teammates is unsurpassed. I haven't met many people who can put up a fight like that. It's people like her that give me so much hope. Thanks Balbir!

Aliya Bose
Hands down my favourite straight girl. Aliya is no slut. She's smart, sexy and does have a mean streak. She's also clueless and lovable. My reason to like is her is you can immediately tell she's not some judgemental hack and has a lot of love for hockey. However because of the lack of a storyline it's hard to say much more than I love that hair!

Gunjan Lakhani
Again not much of a storyline but I'd still say lesbian. She loves hockey and adores Bindia (Intelligence is always a turn-on). More sober than our baddie they do make a nice couple. Plus her promo shot is on a red motor-bike. Wow!

Rani Dispotta
Not enough material to know whether she's gay but village girl facing with the big city kids is always fun. This one is smart, knows hockey and knows how to have a good time.

Soimoi Kerketa
Another village girl learning the wonders of international hockey Soimoi is also likeable. Can't tell if she's gay though.

Nethra Reddy
Barely a few moments of screen-time. No say on the sexuality but still manages to be cooler than Vidya Sharma (really don't like her).

Gul Iqbal
This girl's story lies in the deleted scenes. A sweet girl trying to deal with family pressures is not ground-breaking but the scene where Gul has to handle the match because of Komal and Preeti's fighting was a good one. For her sake I hope Gul is straight but I don't feel too bad that her storyline was cut.

Molly Zimik
Don't know about the gay but Molly and Mary bring another issue to the lime-light. The way the rest of the country sees the north-easterns. They are a glamorous lot and yes just like smoking that can get you termed "loose". They are simple, strong, nice people and to see how the players eventually embrace them was also one of the delightful surprises of Chak De!

Mary Ralte
Much the same as Molly, Mary is the more passive one of the duo. However it's this characteristic that compels the other teammates to stand up for her when those creepy guys get cheap. Knowing that this isn't an exaggeration of events I sometimes wish India would grow up faster.

I'm not going to post about SRK because the movie has enough of him. A good character that was the edge Chak De! needed to be a blockbuster hit. I like Salman too but I don't think he could have done justice to the role like SRK did.

Anyways with at least 4 probable lesbians, Chak De! is already on my all-time faves list. Someday I'm going to sit down and write some interesting fan-fic.